Our wedding was Beautiful!!!! It was a perfect day....sunny, not too cold not too hot....PERFECT!!! There were no big issues that arose....a few minor things like my sister in law's dress started to fall apart a little but my personal attendants (big sissy and "adopted" sissy) fixed that in a huge hurry, the dj did not have the song that I requested for our first dance (Dave Matthews - Steady as We Go) we went with another Dave song (Crash) because I heart Dave!!!! Otherwise everything was fabulous. I'm a little high maitenance sometimes but I do like things simple and not a bunch of foo foo so that's what the whole theme of the wedding was.....I can't help that I like nice things and that those nice things are usually a little pricier! I'm just a snot like that I guess....whatev!!! It was elegant, classy and simple.
Everyone had a blast....probably because most everybody was hammered!!! It was open bar before the meal so everyone was well on their way before dinner. Ohhhh Alcohol....what are we going to do with you??? My uncle fell down the stairs....and when I say fell I mean viciously ROLLED down a hefty flight of stairs....still managing to save his Windsor water and most importantly not hurt himself....thanks to the alcohol! (It's ok to laugh because we all know it's fucking hilarious when people fall.....just as long as they don't get to severely injured!!).
Justin's long lost cousin decided to pop out of the wood work and show up.....getting absolutely hammered and making a fool out of herself. She was hitting on my dad and my uncles.....Natalie wanted to beat the shit out of her (it was her first night cocktailing since having Carter so she was in rare form as well). Nat kept giving her the "I'm totally watching you bitch and if you rub up against my dad one more time I might break your fucking arm" look!!! Not too much of a big deal though.....that's not totally white trash?!?! Everyone has some drunk family members at their wedding that they can laugh at the next day....right? Or is it only big ass obnoxious Italian families?? Oh well, what the hell, it's all in good fun!!
The reception was over but the party sure as hell wasn't. There was a bar downstairs at the hotel we were at so we all went down there to keep drinking because...well...why the hell not. It's my wedding night, I'm all fancied up in an expensive dress that I only get to wear one time....I ain't going to bed yet....are you kidding me....you are going to have to peel me out of this dress....I might want to bathe in this dress!
So here we are all Soprano style down in the "lounge" cocktailing and having a fantabulous time....I mean come on I'm somebody's old lady now!!! We got to toast to that shit...right???
So there is a drunk couple at the bar (yep here it starts) who are somewhat obnoxious but whatevs....we all are too. I have no idea what the hell happened but my two cousins (through marriage) ended up arguing with the drunk guy because he was saying some nasty shit about all of us. And if you have ever hung around a bunch of Italians....that's the last fucking thing you want to do....OOOPPPS for this dude!!! All I know is that I saw someone shove someone and that was that. I walked out because I HATE watching people fight. So I went outside to have a cigarette or fifteen ( I don't smoke anymore) and a few minutes later Tony (cousin through marriage who was part of the fight) came outside with his hands over his face moaning.
Ok...so while I was outside, the douche bag little rent-a-cop that you have to have at weddings now, decided it was a real good idea to fuckin mace everyone in the bar....yeah that's right....mace!!! Not just one can but three cans!!! If you were still left in the bar....you were maced!!! My cousin Michael...who is my favorite gay....came out of there appalled, screaming "I'm gay and they maced me....I'm gay and they maced me" (Now that's some funny shit).
Meanwhile, Justin came out to see if Tony was ok and the douche bag rent-a-cop followed. During this period that we were outside (I'm outside) Justin may or may not have called the douche bag rent-a-cop a fucking pig....whatever.....Justin was at no time in his face or anywhere near him for that matter. Justin had nothing to do with the fight...he was on the other side of the bar minding his own business.
Ok...are you all following to this point??? I hope I haven't lost anyone!!!
At this point people are bleeding and people are maced!! I did not incur any of those....thank god!!! So by now the cops are starting to roll in.....and when I say cops I mean 18 fucking squad cars showed up!! Yep 18!!! They ambushed the lobby, manhandled Justin and threw him in cuffs.....threw Tony in cuffs, Mark (the other cousin through marriage/fighter) escaped up to his room so he could try to wash the massive burning sensation of mace out of his face....the water only made it worse.....and a couple other people were put into cuffs. I at this point am absolutely mortified and in disbelief as to what the hell just happened. I mean are you fuckin kidding me???
Justin got put in the back of the squad car (remember...he had nothing to do with the fight but the douche bag rent-a-cop was a douche bag and said that he felt threatened by Justin....which COULD be possible because I could have kicked the shit out of him...which I almost did when he got in my face but I figured that wouldn't be good to have both the bride and groom cuffed and stuffed!!) Oh and my parents had NO idea any of this was going on because they went back upstairs to party!!
By this time it is a spectacle of all spectacles....it was pretty with all the cop lights and what not. The hotel manager came out and wanted to talk to me....he said we had two options....I could either stay and Justin would go to jail or we needed to go get our stuff immediately and leave.....well let's see, what should I do?? So my father-in-law, sister-in-law and I went up to our honeymoon suite (which was really nice...I only saw it for a minute) to get our bags and came back down to hopefully get my husband out of the back of the squad car.
So here we are on our wedding night shoved in the back of my in-law's SUV with Justin's sister and fiance, me....still in my wedding dress with our bags in the trunk.....yep...sweet...huh???
Meanwhile...Tony went to jail and the other obnoxious bar man probably went to the hospital. Yeah...it wasn't good!
So here we are.....3am and Justin and I are tromping through our garage (still in tux and dress) and up to our house!! We got in.....I told him to undo my dress because all I wanted was my sweats! This is the point that I began to cry.....seriously what the hell just happened.....it's our wedding night, Justin almost got thrown in jail and we are at our own fucking house going to sleep in our own fucking bed!! Is this really happening??? Justin can't put on his wedding ring because his skin is on fire from the mace....it was a god damn disaster!
There came a point the next day where I just started to laugh....because really....who the hell does this happen to?? It's definitely a story and a wedding that the family will not forget.....we always make sure to bring our own mace and cuffs to all family occasions in the event that we NEED them!!! PLUS....we have our very own police report in remembrance of our special day!!!!
So there it is....in a nut shull!!!! Just remember....bad shit can happen to good people.....we are good people....and not white trash!!!! We are not a bunch of drunks....just very passionate about our family!!! And yes....we all swear just a little too much....it just helps explain things so much better sometimes!!!!!