Thursday, April 22, 2010

Granny's Girl

I was always a grandma's granny and me were best buds!! 
After my grandpa died when I was 8 we moved in with her so my mom and dad could help her with the house and really be there for her.  Because we lived with her, my relationship with her was much different than most peoples relationships with their grandparents.  We were extremely close!
For the most part I loved living with my grandma...except for the fact that it was like I had a second mother and when you are a teenage girl a second mother is last fucking thing you want!  Besides some slight yelling and screaming bickering, she was one of my most favorite people and bestest friends.  There was really nothing I couldn't talk to her about. 
She was seriously probably the coolest granny EVER!!!  All my friends loved her....she was everyones granny.  We would get out of school early and come back to our house and sit out on the deck, smoke cigs and shoot the shit with granny.  She was a huge gossip and had somewhat of a potty mouth and something pissed her off she wasn't afraid to let you know. 
When I met Justin she instantly LOVED him!!!  Justin could do no wrong...which in turn led to a few more fights small arguments.  She always stuck up for him....even though probably 90% of the time I was being an Asshole but whatever.  Same way with Joe and Nat....she always stuck up for the boys and Natalie and I could pretty much suck it!
She loved anything sports, her cigarettes and snickers!!  She was a frickin hoot and could always make me laugh.  She would get so mad at me, Deb, Nat and B for our innapropriate conversations at the dinner table and the way we harrassed her about and her "man friend" (they were actually just friends but we liked to tease her about it in a very vulgar kind of way...I won't tell you the shit we would say because's definitely not G rated.....but she was cool like that so we could....and would usually give it right back to us). 
Two years ago in April was an extremely busy time in our lives.  Justin and I bought our first house in the middle of April and and were getting married the very beginning of May.  We thought...hey...why the hell not...lets buy a house, move and get married all within two weeks of each other ( I work well under pressure).  
Justin and I closed on our house on a Tuesday and were packing and moving all that week.  The next day (Wednesday) granny went into the hospital, the doc said that she had a minor heart attack, but she was doing well.  In the mean time we are still moving and now trying to unpack.  On Saturday, Granny discharged from the hospital and was going to be admitted to the nursing home where my mom and I work for rehab so she could gain her strength back because Justin and I were getting married in 2 weeks.  By Monday night they moved her into the hospice room.  Tuesday night I had class and had to go because I had a presentation.  I knew I shouldn't have gone but I did.  Justin called and had to leave a message that I'm sure was the most difficult message he has ever had to leave.....after my mom and I left work that day she passed away.  I think that that was possibly the worst I have ever felt.  I seriously couldn't believe that she was gone....I felt so guilty because I told her that I was going to be sooo mad at her if she didn't make it to my wedding and here she was gone before I could tell her otherwise.  My mom was completely devastated being an only child and all of us kids were completely heart broken.  So, the rest of that week was spent planning her funeral, which was held on Friday.  After that we had to go from one extreme emotion to the other because that next Saturday Justin and I were getting married.  In a way, all the wedding stuff actually helped all of us because it took our minds off of how shitty things were.  It still sucks to think that she wasn't physically there that day....I do know though that she was there in some sense because the weather that day (May 3rd) was supposed to be shitty, cold and possibly snowy.  I woke up that morning and the sun was shining and the day turned out absolutely beautiful!  
I miss her and think of her every day.  It sucks that she isn't here....there are times when I still pick up the phone to call her because I HAVE to tell her something and then I realize I can't.  It sucks that she will never get to meet Mia and that Mia will never get to meet her.  It sucks that she doesn't get to see her great grandkids play together at HER house and it sucks that she doesn't get to see the women that Natalie, Me, Debbie and Sabrina are continuously growing to be.  And A LOT of what we are is because of her.  It sucks to loose someone sooo close to you especially at such an important time.  Pretty just sucks ass all together!!! 

Today has been 2 years since she has been gone.  It seems like just yesterday she was standing in the kitchen with her blue shorts and red shirt on and cigarette hanging out her mouth ( I still expect to see her there when I walk in the back door) waiting to tell me that I forgot to bring my clothes downstairs or wondering why Justin isn't home from work yet or wanting to know if I talked to Nat and is she going to be home for dinner.  I still expect all of that and then I feel like she has been gone forever and it's been forever since I've seen her and do I remember what she looks like or what her voice sounds like.  And then I feel like sometimes I try not to think about her because it makes me too sad.
I am so grateful for the 27 years I had with her.  I couldn't have dreamed a better granny and I miss her every single day!  I wish everyone had a granny like I did!! 

And on a side note...I've been crying writing this and just had to get up because I had large amounts of snot running down my face....I know you all wanted to know that but I needed to lighten the mood up a little!!!


  1. It feels like it has been a long time. And Joe and I were just actually talking about her last night. I was telling him about the time when we had the Frascone deck party and she was drinking her strip and go nakeds, stole the pitcher from everyone else, and became quite intoxicated and frickin hilarious. She then proceeded to do a sumo style wrestling match with herself down the hallway into her bedroom. Pretty sure I peed myself watching her.
    She was the best, and definately an original kind of lady. I wish so badly she could see our kids because I know they would give her soooo much joy and pride.

    Granny- I love you and miss you everyday, and I wish so badly you could be there when I get married or have at least seen my wedding dress, but I know you will...Just not in the way I would like, being here physically. Love you Granny.

    Okay, now I must go take care of some shit...literally, my daughter just sharted I believe because all I can smell is something rancid and it's wofting from her direction and she is sitting here with a very satisfied look on her face. Oh lovely, and now she is eating our bills we have to pay. Talk to you all later!

  2. I definitley remember the sumo wrestling. She was just having too much fun. Especially when she wanted to go egg the neighbors house. Miss you everyday Granny!!

  3. Oh Nikki, I'm so sorry! I lost my beloved grandmother last Nov. I totally know how you feel. They are so special. I miss her so so much. {{HUGS}}

  4. Oh my gosh, im crying now too...As I said before, my gma is my best friend and I will probably never make it through once she is gone. My gma sounds exactly like your gma! Surprise surprise! She still smokes, and she even smokes immediately after she gets done with her oxygen! Shes a character I tell ya!

    Im so sorry you had to lose her when you did. Im sending hugs your way :)

  5. I'm so sorry for your loss! The amount of pain you feel when you lose a loved one is just as huge and surprising as gaining a child. One hurts like you've never felt and another is so wonderful you'd have never guessed. I'm so glad you have a beautiful family to share in your grief with you. That helps so much! Embrace your life now (which I'm sure you do) and remember the great woman she was! Beautiful entry, thanks for sharing with us.

  6. Your post gave me the chills. I'm sorry for your loss. But I am a firm believer that we remain alive in the people who loved us. Just by writing this post, your Granny lives on.

    Thanks for finding my blog. Following you!

  7. Hey there ~ I'm visiting from New Friend Friday at The Girl Creative ~ I'm following your blog now ~ have a great weekend! Em.


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