Mommy Tip #2

I'm sure everyone has those mornings where you are scrambling to get out the door.  Where you try to put on your daughter's shoes and instead of sitting down and being fully cooperative decides she would rather run around the kitchen island like a mad woman thinking it's H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S that your dumb ass can't seem to catch her to put on some fuckin crocs!!!  Where you are rushing to figure out what shoes you should grab so you can get the hell out the door!
Then you see a pair of really cute black sandals that you haven't worn in forever and decide, Oh hell, I'm gonna wear these sweet things today.  And then slowly, as the day goes on (a half hour or so later) you realize why those cute black sandals have not been worn in forever! 
And then say to yourself "Holy shit, my feet hurt today!" And then contemplate chopping them off at the ankles.  And then realize that you may have lost some of the circulation in the tops of your feet from the massive grooves that are now permanently embedded into them. 

Mommy Tip #2:
When you see a cute pair of shoes that you haven't worn forever in your closet.....LEAVE THEM THERE!!!  They DO NOT belong on your feet!  They DO NOT belong anywhere near you! There is a reason you haven't worn them in forever!  My feet hate me today!